by Janelle Legge | Oct 17, 2017 | Podcasts
Are you wanting to find your own success and have more wellbeing, calm and zen in your life? Maybe you’re feeling that you’ve stagnated and are stuck because you just can’t seem to crack the code for your own success and inner peace? Or you find that each time you reach a certain level of change and success that life seems to throw up obstacles and situations that send you back to your old comfort zone where you’re soon feeling frustrated and disappointed with yourself because you know you’ve slipped back into old habits and negative thought patterns?
If this is something you’ve been struggling with and you’re wanting to break this repetitive cycle and get some insights into why it occurs, then listen to my conversation with Chris Shea at Lifesjourney Life Coaching in the USA. Chris recently invited me to be a guest on his Podcast “On Finding Peace” to talk about “Success is an Inside Job”, which is central to how I’ve helped my clients achieve consistent, lasting positive results and life-changing outcomes as a Psychotherapist, Business Leadership Coach and Transformational Change Consultant for the last 20 years.
Chris and I go deeply into what needs to happen for REAL change to occur, where you’re able to find your own, more satisfying version of success because you’re no longer being controlled by negative subconscious beliefs and thinking habits – many of which you don’t even know are there.
I also uncover why so many people just aren’t getting the results and transformations they’d hoped for from self-study and do-it-yourself style online personal change programs.
In this special Podcast you’ll also find out :
- Why some people struggle with MINDFULNESS and/or self-reflective style homework [which doesn’t mean that you’re a failure] and what’s needed instead.
- Why particular kinds of FOCUSED conversations are the most powerful way to rewire your brain, improve your self worth and start thinking in a SUCCESS way.
- What negative self talk REALLY is (you might be surprised) and why you need to stop listening to it for real change to occur.
And there’s much more where Chris and I share over 20 years experience of helping our clients find their own version of success and have more meaningful and fulfilling lives.
Listen to the full interview here.
by Janelle Legge | Sep 24, 2015 | Wellbeing |
Are you sick and tired of negative self talk that at times just seems to go on and on relentlessly inside your head? You know, the critical and dismissive negative voice that picks everything (including you) apart, and is never satisfied. Ever.
If you’re ready to send your negative self talk off on a permanent vacation, then you’re in the right place. Because I’m going to share with you one of my most deft manoeuvres for outsmarting and defeating negative self talk once and for all. Mastering this skill is a total game-changer.
But first of all let’s look at what absolutely doesn’t work when you’re wanting to break free from negative self talk:
1. Trying to debate your negative self talk – and win
This is a common tactic. But trying to debate and argue back with negative self talk to show it who’s really the boss is an ineffective and pointless exercise. It’s a bit like trying to win an argument with a highly opinionated, “know it all”. And when you fall into this trap, the arguments become circular, more and more irrational and ridiculous, and go no where.
2. The “I’m not listening to you” approach
Image by Jan Vašek
Trying to ignore negative self talk and replace it with sweet positive thoughts instead doesn’t work for very long either. As just about everyone who’s tried this finds out. Negative thoughts are simply more powerful and usually win in the end. Often doing this just makes them come back even stronger. And they’ll totally shoot down and crush the positive thoughts you’ve tried to embrace instead.
So why don’t these tactics work?
Because negative self talk is driven in part by your lizard brain that’s been primed to only see danger and threat. It’s primary job is to keep you alive and safe. But it hates change and especially risks, no matter how well calculated – seeing them as potential threats. And it’s this part of your brain that totally backs and supports all of those subconscious self-limiting, negative beliefs you’ve absorbed from other people and your tribe as a child.
In fact around 90% of your negative self talk doesn’t even belong to you, or the reality you’re in. It’s been shaped and formed in a different time and place. So if your ancestors lived through difficult times, negative self talk, and a lack of optimism, can become a way of coping with life. It helps justify how bad and disappointing life and other people can be. Negative self talk usually masks feelings of powerlessness to be able to change the course of your life.
But that’s not you. Right. You’re living in different times.
Defeating Negative Self Talk – Fast
Image by Anthony Delanoix
Okay, so let’s get to the fun part. We’re going to send your negative self talk on a long, well deserved vacation. After all, it’s been working day and night, often going all out to keep you stuck in exactly the same place.
Because this is your time, your life, and it’s time to leave the old version of your inherited ‘negative self talk’ behind.
Now this is going to sound counterintuitive, but hang in there because it works.
The fastest and most effective way to outsmart negative self talk and send it on it’s way is to “thank it” for it’s input. You need to imagine that the part of you that’s driving your negative self talk, actually thinks it’s being helpful and keeping you safe. It doesn’t want you to make any kind of change that will take you beyond where you’re at now – which is the only reality that it knows. And optimistic, expansive thinking leading to a bigger, more exciting version of your life is its nemesis.
So you need to give this part of you some recognition and validation. That’s right. The next time your negative self talk chimes in, you need to dialogue internally with it as if you’re talking to a well-meaning relative or friend. Graciously and politely thank it for all of it’s opinions, and negative cynical advice. After all, it’s just doing it’s job, right.
Then watch what happens next. Silence. Pause. There’s no back-chat, or counter arguments with the usual circular and repetitive scripts going on inside your head. Your negative self talk has suddenly gone all quiet. You can think clearly again, and move forward.
So start thanking your negative self talk and then just feel it melt away. Doing this consistently will bring you more freedom, wellbeing, and optimism, and change your life in powerful ways.
© 2015 Janelle Legge
Title image by Luis Llerena
