by Janelle Legge | Apr 27, 2014 | Relationships
Are you struggling to attract the right partner? If you are, then it most likely comes down to 2 things – low self worth in your relationships and not being clear on what it is that you want.
And if you’re totally fed up and over finding love hard work and just not happening for you, that means you’re ready to release the toxic and addictive love patterns that have been tripping you up.
Here are 3 potent and proven steps you can take to find love that lasts:
3 Essential Steps to Finding Love
1. Get Clear On What You’re Looking For
One of the most common blocks to attracting the right partner is not being clear on the qualities and values you’re looking for in someone else. If you’re not clear on what you want, then you’re putting out unclear, confusing messages to the universe, so guess what you attract? Anything and everything. It’s a random selection process that doesn’t get you far. You’ll most likely attract people who don’t want to commit to you beyond the first couple of dates because you’re not clear on what it is that you want. Maybe this is what you’ve been experiencing?
Knowing what you want, and owning it, is what attracts quality people to you with healthy self esteem.
2. Know Your Value And Worth
You need to be the type of person you’re wanting to attract. This is probably not what you wanted to hear, right? But it’s how it really works. In healthy relationships, peers attract peers. So your life needs to be in order and happening. You’re more likely to attract someone who’s interesting and has it all together when you’re feeling good about yourself and are out doing the things that you love. You’re going for high self worth from now on.
Don’t fall into the Hollywood script fantasy of waiting around for someone to rescue you. That’s wishful thinking, and not realizing your own potential.
3. Make Daily Decisions That Support What You Want
To magnetize what you want, it always comes down to who you’re being every single day. Are you tolerating things that go against your values? Are you not speaking up for what you want, what you need and what you really believe? Are your actions and words matching your deepest wishes and desires?
Your inner image needs to match and support what you’re wanting to create on the outside. This is important because over 90% of communication is non-verbal. Other people quickly work out how much you value, or don’t value, yourself and treat you accordingly. It happens in all of your relationships – in your personal life, family and in your business and career.
It’s your repetitive daily thoughts and actions that determine what you attract into your present and future life. It’s making the law of attraction work for you. Because you know you deserve better.
by Janelle Legge | Mar 22, 2014 | Relationships
Do your personal boundaries need some love and attention? Clear boundaries are essential to getting your needs met and being able to create a life that you love.
When you’re not clear on your boundaries then you don’t draw a line in the sand that lets other people know what’s ok and what’s not ok for you. Instead, you’re too focused on pleasing everyone else.
Unclear boundaries leave you feeling frustrated and disappointed with your relationships and life, and vulnerable to other people’s power plays.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
3 Most Common Causes Of Weak Boundaries
1. You have a deep need to be loved and liked
This is one of the most common wounds for women. If you have this core need then you were taught from an early age that the easiest way to get love and approval was to be a good girl and put other’s needs before your own.
These experiences shape your subconscious beliefs around how to get love and approval. When this is one of your primary subconscious default programs, you find yourself automatically putting other people’s wants and needs above your own.
2. You’re fearful of conflict
Our ability and comfort levels for dealing, or not dealing with, conflict are shaped during childhood. If you’re afraid of conflict you may have grown up around reactive hot-heads, or passive-aggressive-avoidant communication styles. You made a decision to avoid conflict at all costs because you experienced first-hand the pain and negative outcomes that come with these styles of relating.
But there’s a cost to this. You don’t have a voice and you don’t put your own ideas forward because you’re afraid to rock the boat, or set limits with others, in case they disagree or get angry with you.
3. Your Self-esteem and Self-worth are based on other people’s opinions
This is one of the most debilitating and damaging subconscious beliefs women can struggle with. It leads to the ‘false self’ syndrome and keeps your authentic Self undeveloped and fragile. If you’re constantly scanning your external environment for feedback and validation so you can feel ok about yourself and of value, then it’s difficult to create the boundaries that come with a strong core self.
This leaves you vulnerable because the minute you encounter rejection, criticism or a lack of validation, your self-esteem falls in a heap.
If you don’t know who you are, what you want, and what you stand for – the essential building blocks of boundary setting – you’re leaving yourself vulnerable to other people’s agendas.
If you’re wanting stronger boundaries and can relate to 1 or maybe all 3 of these areas, then that’s good news. Because now you can make new choices. Pick one thing that you can start focusing on from today to strengthen your boundaries. If this feels too hard to do on your own, find a professional who can help you identify your boundary blind spots and change them so you can have the life and relationships you deserve.
Janelle Legge is a Psychotherapist, Leadership, Mindfulness and Wellbeing Consultant and Coach who specialises in Relationships, Career Success, Work-Life Integration and Wellbeing. Janelle has a limited number of spaces available each month for in person consults in Sydney. For enquiries including fees and scheduling, click here and Janelle will be happy to answer all your questions. You do not need a referral from your Doctor to book an appointment with Janelle.
Janelle also works with clients around the world via Skype. To book a skype session with Janelle click here.
