by Janelle Legge | Feb 2, 2016 | Self Actualization |
If you’re feeling stuck and frustrated in your business and life, committing to become more self actualized will shake things up. In a good way. It will bring you unimaginable growth, rewards and new opportunities. You’ll feel more optimistic and abundant. Becoming self actualized enriches your life in so many ways.
But in order to self actualize, you have to be self-aware.
It’s about being open to experiences that promote self-discovery, self-reflection and self-exploration. So it requires a bit of courage, guts and staying power. You’ve got to be willing to get out there. See things through. Know when you need to course-correct.
Part and parcel with this is getting to know and understand what’s driving your negative parts. Why you stop. Why you struggle. Learning about your shadow side. Your psychological pain points, triggers and blind spots. Absolutely essential if you’re in business.
Because your level of self-awareness determines your levels of mental and emotional agility and self-mastery. Your ability to handle the failure, set backs and curveballs that come with being in business for yourself. If you don’t do the journey of self-discovery that this requires and get rid of the negatives in your life, you’ll trip yourself up and stay stuck.
So what motivates you? What makes you want to stop? What will keep you engaged?
Self actualization is about creating from your core. It’s about discovering who you really are, and what you’re capable of doing through embracing new experiences and opportunties that usually lie outside of your cosy comfort zone. It’s about leaping into the unknown and being prepared to take a risk from time to time through trying something new.
Become Self Actualized: Put In Some Positives And Get Rid Of The Negatives
Self actualization is also about getting rid of any negativity in your outer environment. This includes spending less time with people who are silently just waiting for you to fail. Sometimes even letting them go. When you dare to forge your own path in life, you unknowingly trigger a whole range of stuff in the people around you. Feelings like envy, criticism and judgment. Particularly if you’re out there doing things that they secretly want to do. But haven’t for whatever reason.
These types of people are toxic to be around when you’re building your own business and career. Because whether you realize it or not, their negativity is impacting you on a subconscious level, draining your energy and feeding your self-doubt. You need to become aware of who these people are and how to set up solid boundaries so they’re unable to negatively impact your enthusiasm and mojo.
You become like the 3-4 people you spend the most time with.
So if you’re taking action to live your purpose, go for your dreams, and self actualize to the max, you need to constantly be mindful of who you’re hanging out with the most. Otherwise you’ll stay stuck and frustrated at your current level of growth.
You’ve got to get out there, network with an open and curious mindset and meet like-minded people. Surround yourself with positive, can-do types. When you put yourself out there in the right way, choosing to be more self actualized, good things start to happen.
Title Image by Kalen Emsley
by Janelle Legge | Jan 11, 2016 | Wild Woman Archetype Series |
When you’ve been raised by a mother who was ambivalent, collapsed, or unmothered herself, you can’t bond with yourself in a relaxed way. Your instincts become disturbed. So you’re always searching out there, you don’t grow from your inner core. – Janelle Legge
Women who have been impacted by poor mothering, or who were unmothered growing up, constantly slip under the radar. Society has a massive whopping blind spot when it comes to acknowledging this. Particularly today where in Western culture being a mother is totally on-trend. Motherhood is constantly held up as the ultimate female success and achievement symbol in the media and socially.
This all makes it even harder if you’ve been raised by a mother who just couldn’t be there for you in significant ways whilst you were growing up. For whatever reasons. The societal blindspot around when mothering falls way short, or there’s no mother on the scene at all, makes it almost impossible to receive the validation, acknowledgment and support you desperately need as a child and later as an adult to repair this. No one seems to want to see what’s really happening to you, or do anything about it. Because all mothers are good, right. Or people just blank out and can’t even imagine what it’s like for someone who has suddenly lost their mother and how this impacts them every single day.
If this happened to you, you don’t need to keep carrying these wounds for the rest of your life. Your mother’s emotional baggage doesn’t belong to you. It’s not your fault if your mother was absent during your childhood.
You can heal the past and learn how to re-mother yourself. This then puts an end to patterns like people pleasing, doubting your feelings and instincts and numbing them out, getting stuck in indecision, toxic relationships and a whole range of other dysfunctional impacts from poor mothering.
So how do you start to heal the impacts of poor mothering?
Goddess of Water by Ronnie Biccard
You need to have your pain, fears and disappointments listened to. Deeply. There’s a young part of you that’s so wanting to be heard and acknowledged.
Align with the powerful aspects of the feminine. That’s about embracing good things like yoga, self nurturing and quality personal development.
Poorly mothered women often reject the feminine, seeing it as insubstantial or weak because of what they experienced growing up.
Don’t do this. It’s faulty thinking. The feminine is powerful, strong, and wise. Embracing these aspects of the feminine is key to healing your disappointments and wounds.
Connect with women who are grounded, have good instincts and are willing to really listen to you and support you.
I call these kinds of women modern day Fairy Godmothers. Because they can be there for you in ways your own mother never could be. They just know when to step in and guide, nurture and help you in thoughtful and constructive ways. At first this might even feel odd if you’ve rarely had someone support you in such an attuned and feminine way. Every woman needs at least one Fairy Godmother in her life. Hopefully you’ll have several.
The good news is that these women usually turn up in your life when you’ve set out on the path of self discovery and personal growth. That’s when you’re able to recognize and connect with these important women when they do appear.
Janelle Legge is a Psychotherapist, Leadership, Mindfulness and Wellbeing Consultant and Coach who specialises in Relationships, Career Success, Work-Life Integration and Wellbeing. Janelle sees clients in person in Sydney and works with clients around the world via Skype. To book a skype session with Janelle click here.
