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by Janelle Legge | Oct 23, 2015 | Anxiety |
Feeling overwhelmed with life is a slippery slope to stress, anxiety and low self-confidence. When you just sit with stress and it doesn’t get addressed, it eventually takes its toll on your body, your physical and mental health, your love life, your family life, career, everything. And if you’re a woman starting a business on your own, feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed can be part of the deal.
An Overwhelmed Mumpreneur
This was the case for Sara* (not her real name) who came to see me for some coping strategies for ongoing feelings of overwhelm that she’d been silently struggling with on her own. Sara had been in Sydney for almost a year, having moved here with her husband and 2 children after a long term stint living overseas. They had moved several times over the last few years because of her husband’s career.
Sara’s love of travel and living in different parts of the world had now turned to debilitating feelings of stress and overwhelm around the day to day requirements of life and setting up in a new place. She was stuck in a cycle of overwhelm that she didn’t know how to get out of. Routine things like doing the school drop off were becoming harder each day. Sara would spend ages deliberating over what to wear, how she looked, and ran through endless scenarios in her head around how she imagined she was being viewed by other people. She started to avoid talking to the other Mums when she dropped her kids at school, because she felt so bad about herself.
Sara’s Problem:
Sara had put her career on hold to be a full time Mum and was now in the process of starting a business working from home. But she was increasingly feeling overwhelmed with all of the things she needed to do. She was constantly comparing herself to other women who in her eyes were more confident, attractive and accomplished. Sara was trying to be the perfect mother and wife and build a successful business. But she wasn’t getting far in her new venture because of the endless self doubt and emotional burnout that was arising from the enormous pressure she had been placing on herself in just about every area of her life.
By the time Sara came to see me her confidence and self esteem had hit an all time low. Feeling overwhelmed had become a part of her daily life.
What became immediately clear was that Sara had over time let go of all of her self-care routines.
The Crux Of The Issue: Sara had routines and schedules set up for everyone else – except for herself.
Increasingly Sara had put everyone’s needs before her own. Her entire focus was on trying to be the ultimate mother and wife – and build a successful business. Sara’s expectations around perfectionism and success were like huge weights that she was carrying around 24×7. She’d lost connection with who she was before she got married and started a family – and starting her own business was her way of starting to reconnect with other parts of herself. But Sara had forgotten all about the day to day things that nourished and fulfilled her on a more personal level.
Regular self-care had been permanently put on the backburner and when this happens over long periods of time, stress and overwhelm begin to take over.
My Solution:
To fix this, one of the first priorities was coming up with daily and weekly self-care routines to address Sara’s overwhelm and reconnect her with her centre.
5 Things You Can Do To Get Out Of Overwhelm
These are the 5 things I got Sara to implement straight away that quickly turned her life around:
1. Establish A Morning Routine
Sara had been at the beck and call of her family for years. We looked at her carving time out for herself each day and getting a morning routine in place to set the tone for the rest of the day. For Sara, this was starting her day with 30 minutes of gentle yoga stretches, followed by a short meditation to ground and connect in with her centre, and simply observe whatever thoughts and feelings arose during this time.
2. Practice Mindfulness In Daily Life
Instead of always rushing to get things done, we looked at ways Sara could use mindfulness to be more in the present moment and feel less time-pressured, instead of continually fast forwarding into the future which was totally stressing her out. This included using mindfulness techniques and slowing down when eating, drinking, walking, and driving in the car, viewing delays as opportunities to stop, breathe more deeply, and relax.
3. Exercise Regularly
Sara used to swim so she scheduled in a morning each week for doing laps in the local pool. I also encouraged Sara to go to a weekly restorative yoga class to get her out of the home, relax and be in a different space.
4. Share Your Thoughts And Feelings
When you’re feeling overwhelmed you need to get out of your head. For Sara this meant scheduling date nights with her husband (which had fallen by the wayside) and making new friends. Sara needed to connect with the people that mattered in her life on a more intimate level and talk about what was on her mind. This included taking a risk and reaching out to some of the other women she had been so busy comparing herself to. Talking about your inner most thoughts and feelings with people you trust is a powerful way to reality check your fears and doubts, get fresh perspectives, and feel more supported and connected. It’s also a great way to tap into other people’s worlds and discover that they too can feel overwhelmed and insecure.
5. Establish A Calming Evening Routine
Like lots of people trying to deal with feeling overwhelmed, Sara was sitting up late at night when everyone else had gone to bed watching crime shows, late night news and drinking wine to unwind. She was overstimulating her nervous system watching TV late at night and at the same time trying to anaesthetize all of those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that come with being overwhelmed. Which is a no-win situation. Wine regularly consumed, particularly late at night, is a depressant and disrupts the quality of your sleep. And so does spending hours zoned out in front of a computer screen or late night TV. We replaced this with a calming evening routine to prepare Sara for sleep. This included listening to relaxing music instead of watching TV and meditating for 15 minutes before going to sleep. Having a bath before bed is also good to include in your evening routine if you can as it helps you finish the day in a deeply relaxing and restorative way and prepares you for quality sleep.
The Outcome: How Sara Turned Her Life Around
Within a few weeks of following this routine, Sara noticed a huge difference. She felt more confident and optimistic about her life and was far less overwhelmed and stressed. We could then identify and address some of the core beliefs that had been driving Sara’s overwhelm.
Over the time I saw Sara, her relationship with her husband and children also improved. She was able to be more in the moment, her sense of humour returned, and she had more energy and clearer focus, because she was taking care of herself. Sara’s social life turned around too. She finally started to build new friendships and network with women who shared similar interests. Interestingly, by adding in her own routines, this gave Sara MORE time in her day for the things that really mattered. She was far more focused and productive. Sara was no longer feeling so overwhelmed by life and that she had to sort everything out on her own.
Take Away:
Adding one or all of these 5 things to your daily and weekly routine will get you out of overwhelm and change your life in positive ways too. One of my favourite reads on getting more into the present moment and out of overwhelm is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
For more hands-on practical tips to deal with overwhelm and stress:
SEE ALSO: How to Manage Stress And Anxiety Naturally
It’s always worth the effort sorting out your overwhelm issues. The biggest turning point for anyone on the path to a bigger life and more success is asking for help and not trying to do everything on your own.
SEE ALSO: Change Solutions – Personal Development
If you’re fed up with feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed and want a happier, more stress free and productive life email me at support@janellelegge.com to book an appointment.
*All identifying features, including names, have been changed in this case study to protect the privacy of my client.
by Janelle Legge | Sep 28, 2015 | Wild Woman Archetype Series |
“In the parents’ fantasy whatever child they have will be perfect,
and will reflect only the parents’ ways and means. If the child
is wildish, she may, unfortunately, be subjected to her parents’
attempts at psychic surgery over and over again, for they are
trying to re-make the child, and more so trying to change what
her soul requires of her.
Though her soul requires seeing,
the culture around her requires sightlessness.
Though her soul wishes to speak its truth,
she is pressured to be silent.
…When this happens, a girl begins to believe that the
negative images her family and culture reflect back to her
about herself are not only totally true but also totally free of bias,
opinion, and personal preference. The girl begins to believe
that she is weak, ugly, unacceptable, and that this will
continue to be true
no matter how hard she tries to reverse it.”
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Were your ideas and ways of expressing yourself and responding to things totally different to your family and tribe growing up?
The journey of self-actualization in adulthood helps repair and positively reset the impacts of not feeling heard, seen, or understood as a child. Of being a red ant in a black anthill growing up.
It’s about learning to take your feelings, sensory impressions, and intuitions seriously. Having a voice. Unconditionally loving and accepting yourself – the REAL and natural version of you with your shoes off, relaxed, at home when no one else is around. And finding kindred spirits that ‘get’ you and value your ideas and presence.
Nourishing the wild woman archetype is about you showing up for YOU. Loving yourself. Embracing and honouring how you look, how you think, and taking your passions and creative ideas seriously. It’s about going for what you really want, regardless of what other people may think.
Image by Romain Briaux
by Janelle Legge | Sep 24, 2015 | Wellbeing |
Are you sick and tired of negative self talk that at times just seems to go on and on relentlessly inside your head? You know, the critical and dismissive negative voice that picks everything (including you) apart, and is never satisfied. Ever.
If you’re ready to send your negative self talk off on a permanent vacation, then you’re in the right place. Because I’m going to share with you one of my most deft manoeuvres for outsmarting and defeating negative self talk once and for all. Mastering this skill is a total game-changer.
But first of all let’s look at what absolutely doesn’t work when you’re wanting to break free from negative self talk:
1. Trying to debate your negative self talk – and win
This is a common tactic. But trying to debate and argue back with negative self talk to show it who’s really the boss is an ineffective and pointless exercise. It’s a bit like trying to win an argument with a highly opinionated, “know it all”. And when you fall into this trap, the arguments become circular, more and more irrational and ridiculous, and go no where.
2. The “I’m not listening to you” approach
Image by Jan Vašek
Trying to ignore negative self talk and replace it with sweet positive thoughts instead doesn’t work for very long either. As just about everyone who’s tried this finds out. Negative thoughts are simply more powerful and usually win in the end. Often doing this just makes them come back even stronger. And they’ll totally shoot down and crush the positive thoughts you’ve tried to embrace instead.
So why don’t these tactics work?
Because negative self talk is driven in part by your lizard brain that’s been primed to only see danger and threat. It’s primary job is to keep you alive and safe. But it hates change and especially risks, no matter how well calculated – seeing them as potential threats. And it’s this part of your brain that totally backs and supports all of those subconscious self-limiting, negative beliefs you’ve absorbed from other people and your tribe as a child.
In fact around 90% of your negative self talk doesn’t even belong to you, or the reality you’re in. It’s been shaped and formed in a different time and place. So if your ancestors lived through difficult times, negative self talk, and a lack of optimism, can become a way of coping with life. It helps justify how bad and disappointing life and other people can be. Negative self talk usually masks feelings of powerlessness to be able to change the course of your life.
But that’s not you. Right. You’re living in different times.
Defeating Negative Self Talk – Fast
Image by Anthony Delanoix
Okay, so let’s get to the fun part. We’re going to send your negative self talk on a long, well deserved vacation. After all, it’s been working day and night, often going all out to keep you stuck in exactly the same place.
Because this is your time, your life, and it’s time to leave the old version of your inherited ‘negative self talk’ behind.
Now this is going to sound counterintuitive, but hang in there because it works.
The fastest and most effective way to outsmart negative self talk and send it on it’s way is to “thank it” for it’s input. You need to imagine that the part of you that’s driving your negative self talk, actually thinks it’s being helpful and keeping you safe. It doesn’t want you to make any kind of change that will take you beyond where you’re at now – which is the only reality that it knows. And optimistic, expansive thinking leading to a bigger, more exciting version of your life is its nemesis.
So you need to give this part of you some recognition and validation. That’s right. The next time your negative self talk chimes in, you need to dialogue internally with it as if you’re talking to a well-meaning relative or friend. Graciously and politely thank it for all of it’s opinions, and negative cynical advice. After all, it’s just doing it’s job, right.
Then watch what happens next. Silence. Pause. There’s no back-chat, or counter arguments with the usual circular and repetitive scripts going on inside your head. Your negative self talk has suddenly gone all quiet. You can think clearly again, and move forward.
So start thanking your negative self talk and then just feel it melt away. Doing this consistently will bring you more freedom, wellbeing, and optimism, and change your life in powerful ways.
© 2015 Janelle Legge
Title image by Luis Llerena
by Janelle Legge | Sep 23, 2015 | Self Image |
Ready to raise your self confidence and self image so that you can get better results and be the best version of yourself? If you’re feeling stuck and scattered, guessing at what you should try next and working way too hard for uninspiring rewards, it’s time to do some game-changing moves.
Because most likely there’s a major disconnect going on between your current self image and who you’re aspiring to be. And anyone who’s ever dared to dream big and aim for more than what they’ve got has experienced at some stage the frustration of knowing you’re destined for bigger things, but not having the right map and guidance to help you evolve into the best version of yourself.
To shift this, because you do deserve better, add these 3 key foundational skills to your daily regime and then watch things start to transform in tangible ways:
3 Steps To A Positive Self Image
Image by Eli De Faria
1. Give yourself diverse and positive experiences regularly
It’s the quality of your environment, thinking, and experiences that powerfully influences and shapes your self image – and how your brain gets wired every single day.
Why? Because your brain is an organ of adaptation that’s built by experience – with 70% of it’s structure being added after birth. This highlights the importance of being in nurturing, validating, and experience-rich environments from the moment we’re born and throughout our entire life. That’s if you want to have healthy self-esteem, reach your highest potential, and live a meaningful, rich, and rewarding life.
So always be open to new experiences and do what inspires you. Your brain, your self image, and your self confidence will thrive.
2. Cultivate quality relationships
Neurons and humans are social entities. This means your brain is continuously being influenced and wired by who you spend the most time with. And it thrives on meaningful social interactions. So be selective. Surround yourself with optimistic, self-aware, interesting people. Limit your exposure to toxic people that drain your energy – the ones who trigger you into self-doubt, feeling bad about yourself, or less-than. Cut them loose.
Avoid discussing your life/career/biz aspirations with anyone who doesn’t support or ‘get’ you, or your goals. Their negativity, envy, doubt, or unresolved issues around not having pursued their own goals will impact you on subtle, or not so subtle levels. All of a sudden you’ll find yourself second-guessing your dreams and goals.
3. Seek out mentors
Nothing will accelerate you taking quantum leaps in any area of your life faster than hanging out with people who are already where you want to be. It will powerfully shift how you’re seeing yourself, your life and what’s possible. That’s because of the power of mirror neurons in your brain that bridge your sensory, motor and emotional circuitry.
When you spend time with successful people that you admire, your mirror neurons get powerfully activated. Everything that you’re taking in when you hang out with them – from their mindset and behaviours to their more subconscious attitudes and beliefs around things like wealth, abundance and how to go about achieving success – is triggering corresponding motor and emotional activations in your brain and body via your mirror neurons. How cool is that. It’s the closest thing you’ll ever get to an instant download for how to become the person you want to be. The best version of yourself.
© 2015 Janelle Legge
Title image by Rocksana Rocksana
by Janelle Legge | Aug 19, 2015 | Living With Purpose |
Becoming purpose-led is high on the radar for businesses that want to survive and thrive in an increasingly complex world. Why? Because smart people in business know that sustainable business growth, talent retention and achievement of strategic goals relies on having purpose, meaning, and enduring motivation. At the end of the day, bottom line results depend on how engaged your people and customers are.
Salary alone is not the top driver for ambitious, talented people who want to have a positive impact in the world. Eventually, top performers seek out other opportunities if there is a disconnect between the organization’s purpose, values and goals and their own. I’ve seen this happen time and time again as a consultant and executive coach.
In a rapidly changing world and constantly changing business landscape, being purpose-led is becoming more and more essential. It’s what makes everyone prepared to go over and beyond in order to achieve meaningful and compelling visions and goals. It’s an inner and shared-collective-group orientation that breeds certainty and confidence, rather than constantly looking over your shoulder to see what the competition is doing.
Purpose driven, constructive cultures lead to the attainment of an organisation’s mission and positively correlate with desirable organisational outcomes, such as, high staff and customer satisfaction, sales growth, profitability and shareholder value (Cooke and Szumal 2000).
So if organisations are beginning to realize that having a shared purpose is what powerfully guides and positively impacts the achievement of its goals and success, why is it that people often don’t have a clear purpose in their own lives?
Exactly the same purpose-led principles can be applied to achieve your own goals, and have fulfilment and success in the areas of life that matter the most to you.
I’ve seen clients over the years who appeared successful and together on the outside, yet inwardly doubted themselves and under-valued what they were doing in the world. Because they weren’t clear on their purpose and were still questioning why they were here, and what they were meant to be doing with their life. Helping them figure out their purpose gave them the self confidence to go for bigger goals and accelerated their success across a whole range of areas.
Living with purpose, knowing you’re on the right path in your life and work, is not a new trend or phenomenon at all. It’s something that’s been seen as essential to living a meaningful and well-lived life by philosophers and spiritual traditions since ancient times. It’s been central to my work over the last 16 years. Now businesses are increasingly seeing the value of being purpose-led, particularly with the success of brands like Virgin. It’s having a shared collective purpose that inspires everyone to go beyond what’s required to achieve meaningful goals. The improvement in people engagement and staff satisfaction levels, business results and organizational culture show that it works.
On a personal level, having a clear purpose is energizing and inspiring. It encourages you to be more creative and resourceful and it’s good for your wellbeing. You’re able to stop doing the things that waste your time and take you off track. Being purpose-led gives you a more zen-like focus and brings you more inner peace and cohesion.
Image by Joschko Hammermann
Knowing your purpose gives you a roadmap, a strategy and a meaningful plan in life and in business.
Title image by Kalen Emsley
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